


Side to Side

by mahbecks



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Bad Jokes, Chill XV, Humor, Implied Relationships, M/M, Sex Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9412562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahbecks/pseuds/mahbecks
Summary: Ignis was limping. Prompto was concerned. Noctis was curious. And Gladio was looking altogether too happy with himself.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I fully blame RedHawkeRevolver for getting me involved in this ship. And now I'm in too deep, and I can't get out, and I am trash.
> 
> Based off the song "Side to Side" by Ariana Grande featuring Nicki Minaj.

 

Ignis was limping.

Noctis noticed it first thing in the morning, as Ignis was coming down the stairs for breakfast. His eyes narrowed, staring at the older man curiously. Why was he limping? Was he injured?

He tried to think back to yesterday’s events, recalling all of the enemies they had fought. There had been that group of magitek soldiers early on… but no, there had only been five of them, and Ignis had acted as backup to him and Gladio more than an active participant. Then there had been those spiracorns by the river… but they were more likely to have gored Ignis than have given him a limp, so he didn’t think it was that.

They’d retired at Lestallum just as evening had hit, taking rooms at the hotel Iris had showed them. Ignis had roomed with Gladio, as was usual. They had all gone to their rooms as soon as they’d eaten though, so he hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. Of course, he _had_ fallen asleep very quickly, so even if there had been something to notice, he’d likely not have caught it.

Ignis sat down in the chair across from him, pouring himself a generous cup of coffee. “Morning, Noct, Gladio” he said, nodding to each of them in turn. He raised the cup to his lips.

“You’re limping.”

Ignis choked.  After a moment spent coughing, he said, “What?”

“When you walked down the stairs, you were limping. Are you hurt?”

Gladio let out a curious chuckle at that, but said nothing.

“Not at all.” Ignis cleared his throat. For whatever reason, the faintest trace of a blush was coloring his cheeks. “I assure you, I am in perfect health.”

“Is it a sprained ankle? Broken toe?”

“It’s nothing like that,” Gladio replied. “He came _into_ the room perfectly fine last night.”

Ignis shot him a look that seemed to say _Please, shut up._ The larger man shrugged and went back to his breakfast, but the smirk remained on his face. “You must be imagining things,” Ignis said firmly, returning his gaze to Noctis. “I am most certainly not limping.”

Noctis got the distinct impression that Ignis didn’t want to talk anymore. He was obviously hiding something...but why? Still, Noctis knew better than to make further attempts at conversation. Ignis was remarkably good at ignoring discussions that he wanted to avoid. Gladio was the only one of them who could pry into his affairs with any measure of success.

He shook his head in defeat. “Fine. Have it your way.”

* * * * *

Prompto was concerned.

Noctis noticed it halfway through the day, after a particularly long hike had them taking a rest before going to find the nest of voreteeth they had agreed to kill. His blonde friend came over to where he was sitting on a fallen log, looking rather anxious.

“Hey, Noct?”

“Yeah?”

“Does Ignis seem to be…limping, to you?”

“You noticed, huh?”

“Is he okay?”

Noctis shrugged. “He said he is,” he replied.

Prompto blinked, and then turned to look at Ignis, who was leaning against a tree and observing their surroundings with a cool, calculated gaze. _Probably looking for signs of voreteeth_ , Noctis guessed. _He never stops, does he?_

“Why isn’t he sitting down?” Prompto asked. “If he’s hurt his leg…shouldn’t he be sitting, taking it easy?”

“Beats me.”

“What are you two muttering about?”

Ignis’ sharp voice cut through their conversation like a knife. Noctis was fully prepared to shrug it off, but Prompto wasn’t one to let a question go unanswered.

“Hey, Ignis, why are you limping?”

For some reason, Gladio found this hilarious. He hid a rough guffaw behind a hand, smirking up at Ignis the whole time.

Ignis glared down at the other man.

“I am _not_ limping,” he said firmly.

“Dude, you totally are-”

“I assure you, _dude,_ that I am doing no such thing.” Ignis turned to Noctis, quirking an eyebrow. “Did you put him up to this?”

“Hey, don’t blame Noct!” Prompto retorted. “He’s just concerned! Seriously, if you’re injured, it’s no big deal. We’ve got a whole pack full of restoratives!”

“Yeah, Iggy, need a _restorative_?” Gladio asked.

Ignis turned to scowl at the man. “No,” he snapped. “I do not need a restorative.”

“You sure about that? I’ve got a _real_ good one for you-”

“We need to be getting a move on,” Ignis interjected, pointedly turning away from the rest of them. He pointed north. “I believe the lot of them will be somewhere over there.” Before any of them could get a word in edgewise, he pushed himself away from the tree and set off down the hill.

Prompto opened his mouth to protest, but Noctis waved him off. “Don’t bother,” he said. “If it was serious, Ignis would say something.”

“But-”

“Whatever it is, he doesn’t want to talk about it.”

“Why wouldn’t he want to talk about it?”

Noctis shrugged. “Who knows?”

* * * * *

Gladio seemed awfully proud of himself.

Noctis noticed it as they were setting up the tents for their campsite that night. The older man was positively _preening,_ walking around with a huge grin on his face the entire time. He kept stealing glances at Ignis when he thought Noctis wasn’t looking. Twice he managed to trip over his own feet, ruining a nearly completed tent frame. It would have been annoying, if it weren’t so suspicious.

“What are you grinning about?” he finally asked, unable to bear the curiosity any longer.

“Hmm?” Gladio looked back at him, tearing his gaze away from Ignis, who was busy building up the fire to cook dinner. “Oh, it’s nothing.”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.”

Gladio shrugged, and then rolled his shoulders, showing off the slabs of muscle he’d spent years developing. “It’s just nice to know that I _still_ got it,” he replied.

Noctis frowned. “What does that mean? And what does it have to do with Ignis?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

“When I’m older?” Noctis demanded. “The hell-?”

Gladio didn’t answer him. Their job now finished, he instead walked over to the fire, no doubt to “help” Ignis by stealing bites of everything when the other wasn’t looking. Noctis watched the two of them curiously, wondering if they knew something that he didn’t.

Prompto soon joined him, camera in hands. “What’s for dinner?” he asked eagerly.

“I dunno,” Noctis replied, distracted. “Something with fish, I think.”

“Oh, boy!” Prompto exclaimed. “Sounds delicious!” He paused then, watching Noctis as he watched Ignis and Gladio. His eyes flicked from the group by the fire to his friend and then back again. “Whatcha thinking about?”

Noctis’ eyes narrowed. “I’m trying to put two and two together.”

“Oh, is this about the limp?”

Noctis nodded.

“I think I figured it out!”

Noctis turned, surprised. “You did?”

“Yeah! So last night, at that hotel, Ignis roomed with Gladio, right?”

“...right.”

“Well, the other day I heard Gladio asking Ignis if he wanted to do some sparring. ‘Special training’, he called it. I think that’s what they were doing! Ignis wouldn’t want us to see him in the middle of learning a new technique, you know? He’d get it perfect in private first. And Gladio was obviously helping him!”

This seemed perfectly reasonable to Noctis, so he let the matter drop for the moment and accompanied Prompto over to the fire. They dropped gratefully into their camp chairs, Prompto talking about the pictures he’d managed to take of some of the nearby wildlife.

“Look at this one, Noct! The gigantoad is huge!”

“Oh, yeah. Huge.”

“And see this one? The chocobo hiding in the brush? Sweet, huh?!”

They went on like this for about half an hour until Ignis finally announced that dinner was ready. There was a bit of a struggle to decide who got which bowl - because even Ignis couldn’t perfectly ladle out portions that were _exactly_ the same size - and then they were all sitting down around the fire discussing the day’s events. Of particular interest was a run-in they’d had with a group of nasty killer wasps.

“I hate bugs,” Prompto groaned. “Come on, do we have to talk about this at dinner?”

“I’m not particularly squeamish, but I agree with Prompto,” Ignis said, scrunching his nose in distaste. “Those wasps were quite nasty.”

“I thought it was a fun fight,” Gladio offered.

“What about that was fun?!” Prompto cried.

“Hah, remember when that one nailed you, Iggy?” Gladio teased, nudging Ignis with his elbow. “It had you walking all side-to-side?”

“How gratifying that my pain is so humorous,” Ignis said dryly.

“Though maybe it wasn’t the wasp,” Gladio said thoughtfully, ignoring Ignis. “I mean - you’ve been walking side-to-side all day.”

“It was the wasp,” Ignis said firmly. “They are highly venomous.”

“Venom doesn’t make you limp that like.” Gladio winked. “But I know something _else_ that does.”

Noctis froze, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he looked between the two of them as they continued to bicker. Come to think of it…Gladio had been teasing Ignis a lot today. It had started this morning at breakfast, and he’d not eased up once. He thought hard, trying to recall Gladio’s jibes… They meant something. He just knew it.

“What’s the matter, Noct?” Gladio asked suddenly.

Noctis suddenly found all the attention upon him.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Prompto added. “You look kinda weird.”

“I just-”

And that’s when it hit him. _He came_ into _the room perfectly fine last night. It’s nice to know I still got it. You’ve been walking side-to-side all day._

“Oh, gods!”

“What?”

“Are you having another headache?”

Prompto’s brow was furrowed in distress, and Ignis sounded concerned. Gladio had already summoned his sword, ready to tackle any problem Noctis might announce.

But of course, this didn’t have anything to do with swords. Or maybe it did. Noctis groaned at his own pun, wishing he’d not thought of that.

“Noct?”

“Nothing,” Noctis said quickly, trying to assure his friends that he was fine. “It’s nothing like that.” He looked at Gladio then. “I finally got the joke.”

Gladio blinked at him once and then burst out laughing, his greatsword disappearing.  

“Joke?” Prompto asked. “What joke?”

“I would like to know that myself,” Ignis said flatly, looking at Gladio suspiciously.

“ _Sparring,_ ” Noctis said, shaking his head. “As if.”

“Wait, so if they weren’t sparring,” Prompto said, frowning, “then what...oh!” He laughed nervously, as if he were unsure of what else to do.

“Would you three mind informing me as to what is so hilarious?” Ignis demanded.  

“They just realized why you’ve been limping all day,” Gladio explained.

“Is _that_ what this is about?” Ignis asked, exasperated. He looked around at the lot of them, all refusing to meet his eyes and unable to stop giggling. “For heaven’s- are you all adults, or _twelve_?”

“Sorry, Ignis,” Noctis said automatically.

“This is preposterous!”

“You can’t blame ‘em,” Gladio said. “They were just concerned.”

“There’s nothing to be concerned about!”

“Well…you did get dicked so hard you couldn’t walk straight.”

Ignis threw something at Gladio then, smacking him right in the face. Gladio only laughed harder at that, falling onto his back with tears in his eyes.

“This is entirely your fault!”

“I know! I know!”

“And you shouldn’t discuss our sexual endeavors so flippantly! What we do with our time is our business, and no one else’s, and they certainly don’t need to hear about me getting _dicked_ so hard that I-”

“Shit, Ignis, not in front of the kids!” Gladio interjected. This only seemed to make him laugh harder. “Their ears!”

“Yeah, Ignis, my ears,” Noctis complained, pretending to be offended. He looked over to Prompto and jerked his head away from the campfire. “Let’s go, before they go into _more_ detail.”

“ _More_ detail?” Ignis demanded.

Noctis ignored him, pulling Prompto away. They settled on some rocks a good distance away, watching the river as the sun set, throwing brilliant streaks of purple and orange across the water. In the distance, they could still hear Ignis berating Gladio, the latter still unable to contain his mirth.

“Well,” Prompto offered, “I’m glad it’s nothing serious.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Ignis is gonna _kill_ Gladio, though.”

They looked back at the fire.

Noctis grinned. “Totally.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my trash! :)


End file.
